Weather With You..

I lied last week...the hardest part wasn't getting on the plane. The hardest part is sitting in a flat across the ocean from the person I love. Wishing I could be with her but knowing I can't right now.

Easy My Ass

This is the worst thing I have ever had to do! I really do not want to get on that plane tomorrow.

Packing....

Up until now nothing has really felt final....until I started actually packing my bags. It felt horrible. Yesterday we went into the city, I saw a few of my workmates to say goodbye. They were all talking about their plans ...some short term others long term. And I had to bolt to the bathroom before I completely broke down. I apologised to L because I feel it is my fault that everything is going wrong. She never once blames me she just kept hugging and kissing me. She knows exactly when I need her.

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to go ... guess it comes down to growing up - effin hate it!

Rocky Times...

Ha Ha not what you guys think!!! Ever since I came to the US I wanted to go see the Rocky statue in Philly ... and I finally did yesterday! It amazes me that L will do anything to make sure everything I want to do happens. She amazes me. It was a great day, we hung out .. in the rain with friends. I saw Philly and ran up the stairs (I also won!) and had my pic taken with Rocky.

As always I forget that in less than a week I am going to have to return to the UK. Through no fault of my own - and I can not stay even though I desperately wish I could. I wish I could wake up every morning with L as I have been for the last month. In some ways it been the greatest month of my life, I get to go to sleep with her, see her before she goes to work, am there when she gets back. However it has also been the worst month, knowing that I have to return very soon.

I spoke to my mother on Friday and she is super excited that I am returning back to the UK but she doesn't know how this is all tearing me up inside. Sometimes I wish I could bury my head in the sand and hide. I hate what this is doing to me, and obviously what it is doing to L. We are both trying to be strong, and we go on with our days as if nothing huge is going to happen on Friday. I woke up this morning about to say, 'hey what are we doing next weekend?' when I remembered that next Sunday I will be waking up in the UK! I can't wait to see my family, but evertime I went back to the UK before I knew I was heading back to the US and seeing L. I wonder if when she started seeing me she realised that me having to leave was likely? And sometimes I wonder if she thinks this is all worth while. I know I am going to try my hardest to return and be with the person I chose to love.

Fedex Man

So .... I spent the last two weeks off work .... just with L. And today the Fedex Man came and picked up boxes to ship back to the UK .... my stuff. I haven't taken everything with the hope that I will be back sometime soon. But it truly is heartbreaking having stuff sent back to the place that I can't even call home any more. I never truly gave any thought to that phrase 'home is where the heart is'...it is a cliche right? Hell no! It is the truth. I know I won't be saying goodbye ... but it still hurts.

So what has been happening? Well ... UAFA had an appearance in the Senate Judiciary committee. I have read some people saying how great it is ... and I have hope. But then I have read and probably agree more with the pessimists. The ones who have sat there and seen that President Obama really hasn't done much. Yes Yes I know ... he has had a lot on his plate ... but give something to the people who helped you get where you are. Something to the people who just want to stay with the person they love. The weird thing for me is that L tells me stories about the families she works with ... families that abuse their kids, physically; emotionally or both. They receive help from the government, and L and I who have done nothing wrong receive nothing.

Personally, I have just been spending time with L and her cats! Cody gave us a bit of a scare the other day ... had to take him to the emergency vet. For the first time I felt the responsibility of having someone depend on you. Even though the two cats are L's I have grown very very fond of them. And was very relieved when everything worked itself out.

L keeps telling me off for not having kept up with my blog ... I just get depressed thinking about things. I have 8 nights left with her until I come back on holiday... . I hate that thought. I have set up our webcams and am sure we can get through this - but this really does suck! Unfortunately we don't have lots of time ... wish we did.

So Sorry....

So I have been completely lame with my blog recently .... and I am sorry about that. I got depressed and rather than tackling things head on I decide to hide from them ... the ostrich effect!!!



I really have not done much since I last wrote...spending as much time with L as possible which I love. Slowly saying goodbye to my clients from work and trying organise stuff for the move back. I wish this country would stop acting like an ostrich - and just accept that people in their country are gay and as such should allow those people to live their life without any problems. I hate how people tell me I should be living! Flipping ridiculous if you ask me, ... as long as I am not hurting anyone why should any of this matter?





I read a great article about how Michael Steele (Head of GOP) believes that gay marriage is going to harm small businesses...because then the employer will have to give health care rights etc to the gay husband/wife. But isn't the same true if I was working for a small business and married a man ... I mean come on...really? That is his argument. Then lets go back to the time when white people weren't allowed to marry blacks! Such a joke!!

I know I should stop reading about other people going through the same thing as L and I ... as it depresses me even more. But somehow I feel comforted by it also. My friends are organising drinks for when I go back ... and the one thing that I didn't want to happen is happening. I just wanted to see my girlfriends, but know they are inviting their boyfriends. I hate couples!!!! :) Just kidding!!!!

WTF

HOW THE F DID 'NATIONFORMARRIAGE.ORG' GET AN ADVERT ON MY BLOG???? HOW UTTERLY IRONIC .... LOVE IT ;)